Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
