maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
