i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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