And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
