I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He shit in the fireplace
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
