it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
