I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
