the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
