My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
