I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
