You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
