I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
