i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
