All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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