oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
