my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize
