It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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