Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
