I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Small penises have feelings too.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
