Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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