I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're too hungover to prance.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize