You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
