remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
