Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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