My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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