Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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