Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
