If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
