I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My vagina is very pro this idea
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