I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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