Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
