How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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