I CAN MOONWALK!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
