Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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