i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He has the fingertips of a God
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