i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
