two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize