After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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