Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
