i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
