My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
