I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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