I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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