You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
