just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
