Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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