i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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