I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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