Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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