Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize