I want to make a zoo with you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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