How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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