Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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