i was rollin on her like bob the builder
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
