tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
