Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
