Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
