How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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