One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
