the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
