Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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