dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
