Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
