Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
