youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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