I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
