I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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