Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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