i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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